Dear Annie: My husband enjoyed sex when we had it, but I initiated every session. After five years, I started to feel as if I was begging for it and asked him to take the lead some of the time. He didn't.This self-centered wife is only concerned with her needs, and how she wants her husband to change to suit her. I bet that her selfishness is the real problem.
For three more years, I told him it would thrill me to be approached by him, treated to dinner or have a little gift placed on my pillow — the kind of things I did for him. I finally convinced him to go for counseling, but my husband wouldn't do any of the things the counselor suggested. In desperation, I told him that if he wanted sex, he would have to initiate it.
That was seven years ago, and we haven't been intimate since. I can't divorce him because of my own physical problems. He says he loves me, but he's not willing to do anything for me. Any suggestions? — Another Sad Wife
No one gives her the obvious adive:
Ask your husband what you can do to please him. Then do it.I hate to bash American women, but this wife probably has no idea what is necessary for a happy marriage. No one ever told her, and no counselor will.
It is human nature that men are much easier to please than women. Once a wife figures out how to please her husbands, she usually gets rewards far beyond her effort. But a wife with an attitude like the above letter will never be happy.
The other letter is another sad wife:
Dear Annie: My parents divorced years ago. Dad waited patiently while Mom chose between him and another man. In the end, Mom chose the other guy, but it didn't work out. Neither have any of her other relationships. Meanwhile, my dad married a lovely, classy and extremely wealthy woman. They have found true happiness, while my mom has become bitter and jealous.Child support laws are designed so that an ex-wife like this one can have a standard of living comparable to the man she left.
I love both of my parents, but it's difficult to be around my mother when she constantly whines and complains about Dad, saying he has money and she doesn't. ...
Well, I would normally agree with you.
But this woman says she is doing nice things for her husband. And frankly if she has been initiating sex too, then she appears to be a great wife.
But this man can't seem to even initiate sex with his own wife? For seven years?
Isn't there something wrong here?
Every single sentence in the letter is a complaint about what she wants, or a demand that he change. She does not say that she is doing nice things for her husband. The closest she comes to that is to say that she used to do things like putting a little gift on his pillow. Note the past tense. She is not doing those things anymore.
Putting a little gift on the pillow may seem like a nice thing to do, but it is really what she wants for herself. It may not be what he wants, and there is no attempt to do what he wants or to even learn what he wants.
Yes, there is something wrong here, but we have no idea about the husband's view, so we don't have enough info to judge him. My comment here is not so much to take sides, but to point out the bad advice that wives like this get. It appears that she has not even considered the most obvious steps for saving her marriage, and no one is advising her to take those steps.
The first woman is probably a land whale and although the husband isn't attracted to her he does his "duty" when asked. Also, she hasn't left him for that very same reason, she knows her SMV is zero and this is the only game in town for her, otherwise she'd have left long ago. Her hamster is trying to make her angry about the situation but I think at some level she knows it's her fault.
The second is the more typical female reaction. Her first husband knew he was screwed if she divorced him because child support is such a killer so he was forced to wait for her to make the decision between him (nice guy beta) and some thug, she picked the thug and probably took her husband to the cleaners in family court. Fast forward 10+ years, the child support is gone as are her looks as are the thugs and what do you have? One very angry jealous ex-wife that has no more child support payments to live off of. Meanwhile nice guy beta husband hit pay dirt and married well the second time around. Got to love how choices in life really do matter and now it's her time to pay for her bad decisions.
Good analysis. You obviously do not limit your education to the feminist-influenced mainstream press.
"I hate to bash American women, but"
Yeah, it's obvious how much you hate to bash American women.
Today's advice column has another letter from a wife considering leaving her marriage and kids for another man.
Oh right, from that newspaper that you canceled the subscription to and written by the Jewish advice columnist that you hate, etc.
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