Dear Annie: This is for "Didn't Need It," who went for counseling after getting out of an abusive marriage and it didn't help: Don't give up so quickly.So I guess that they needed a counselor who never said anything that either of them disagreed with.
My husband and I went to seven different marriage counselors before we found one who didn't take sides. The eighth was well worth the search. It's up to you to find the one best for you, and to follow their advice (or not).
I have the impression that when most women seek counseling, they have no interest in solving problems or getting advice. They want to get their feelings validated. So this one searched 8 counselors in order to find one who could validate the feelings of her and her husband at the same time. That must be a rare talent in a shrink.
3 comments:
George, you're giving the writer way too much credit here. She didn't ultimately find one that din't disagree with them or could validate both of their feelings, she found one that would take *her* side and validate *her* feelings. The first 7 clearly "took sides," meaning they probably disagreed with her.
You may be right. I have heard many people tell how they had to search for the right counselor, but never an explanation of just what that means.
I went through it. Any time a counselor would say anything that she didn't agree with, got her to admit she did something wrong, sided with me, or tried to convince her to try something different, that counselor was no longer trustworthy and didn't know what they were talking about.
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