DNA tests will rule

This newspaper advice columnist has never heard of DNA:

Dear Margo: I live in a town of 60,000 people. ... I am really curious as to whether it's possible that this child is the product of, shall we say, a brief indiscretion. ...

Dear Mad: You know what? You couldn't even solve "this mystery" if you did embarrass someone. Come to think of it, the person you could most embarrass by pursuing this matter is yourself.

Let us assume, for the sake of argument, that your suspicions are correct. There would be no confirmation of this on the birth certificate, which leaves you the option of asking friends whether they remember any trouble in the marriages of X and Y. I would not recommend this, however, because your inquiries would become defamatory gossip quicker than you could say "looks-like-the-banker."

And do remember, many people have doppelgangers. That is the reason we often say to someone, "You look just like so-and-so who's on television/in the movies/in the Senate, etc." Please leave this alone and keep your suspicions to yourself. — Margo, prudently

No, she is wrong. This mystery can be solved. All you need is some spit from the child and either the legal dad or the alleged biological dad, and to send it with $200 to a DNA testing lab.

Even without DNA, some traits are obvious and sometimes fatherhood can be deduced by the casual observer.

I believe in minding my own business, but there are larger forces at work. My prediction is that our society will soon come around to the view that a child has a right to know who his father is. And with DNA tests so cheap and reliable, there will be no reason not to do one. It used to be safe to assume that the dad is the man married to the mom, but the LGBTQIA lobby and other anti-family forces are putting an end to that. They will say that it is discriminatory to use marriage to justify a name on a birth certificate. Instead we will have dads who are certified by DNA tests, and dads who are really lesbians who got court orders to cut the real dad out of the picture.

I am not advocating these changes. I am just saying that they are inevitable consequences of DNA technology and LGBTQIA politics.