Thursday, August 22, 2013

Ads for co-parents

The UK Daily Mail reports:
The rise of 'co-parenting': How broody, single women are advertising online for men to help them have and raise babies... but they don't want a relationship

With their biological clocks ticking, time poor and cash rich 40-something singletons are turning to the internet to find their man.

But these broody women are not looking for a relationship - instead they are looking for someone to father their child. More and more people across the U.S and UK are opting for the so-called 'co-parenting’ relationships – biological parents who have an otherwise platonic relationship, but who both contribute to raising the child. ...

Rachel Hope, 42, is a property developer from Los Angeles. She is attractive, successful…and wants to be pregnant by January 2014. After 18 months of searching for a potential baby father, she has signed up to a website giving her access to thousands of men across the world who, like her, aren’t looking for a relationship, but want a child with someone who’ll take their parenting role seriously. Instead of strings attached, there’s an umbilical cord. ‘I’m in serious talks with three men – one from India, one from Germany and a gay man from the US,’ says Rachel.

Melani, 42, a senior sales consultant from New York, has also joined ‘Ideally, I’m looking for the whole package – love, man and a child – but I’m also 42 and, although I’m in great shape, my biological clock has almost finished ticking. I need to be as proactive as I can.’ Melani is looking for 50:50 involvement with a co-parent, providing equal emotional and financial commitment to the child. Ideally, she’d like her son or daughter to live with her, with the co-parent nearby. None of her three previous boyfriends wanted children and she’d also dabbled in internet dating. ‘I found online dating more like a “virtual bar” and not a place to meet people with a big interest in family life. People on Modamily have no problem voicing the desire for children.’ ...

Far from being confusing for the child, there can be emotional benefits of co-parenting. ‘The child has two people who love them and who are – hopefully – friends, with no fear of divorce,’ says
Katy Regan. ‘As a co-parent you have support and a child, yet also your freedom, so it can work really well.’
I reported on this so-called trend in Feb. 2013.

No, this will never catch on. Anonymous sperm donation has been banned in the UK, so the aging narcissist women there can get particularly desperate. But the idea that this somehow avoids the troubles of divorce court is crazy. But for the men, this is like going straight into divorce without ever being married. Maybe the men are gay or something. Very few are actually doing this, and it is just a media curiosity.


Anonymous said...

I'm doing it and its fantastic .... but I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone.

You are absolutely spot in in pointing out the legal system is decidedly stacked against men who might consider this arrangement. Any guy who thinks about voluntarily entering such an arrangement needs to know that he is entering the same risk environment that all men face when fathering children - the female biased family court system. A "co parenting" arrangement does not remove the risk of having your kids taken from you and crushing childamony payments levied. If you think an co parenting agreement will absolve you from this (much like a prenup) you are mistaken.

That said, I had a child with a women who "missed" taking the pill. Although not in a relationship anymore we go over our differences and enjoyed raising our child. We both recognized the positive influence of having two parents in her life. It has worked so well we decided to have another together. We now have a girl and a boy. In my opinion our arrangement blow the whole marriage drudgery thing out of the water. Both my married friends and single friends are envious. It's a win for everyone but most importantly the kids.

Churchy folks are usually the most flummoxed by it. They tend to have a high personal investment on supporting only a church approved parenting arrangement and it just doesn't sit well. But I can tell you, at least in my case with two level headed, well intentioned parents this arrangement is great.

But as I said I don't recommend it. The deck is still stacked against you as a man. If a couple could legally agree in advance on things like support, proximity requirements, parenting time, etc, in much the same way they can in a prenup then I would whole heatedly recommend it provided they were confident with the other party. My situation happened by accident and is working out very well.

Anonymous said...

Mum had me - the natural way - when she was 42. I don't recommend it. By the time I finished hight school, she was an old woman.