Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Stupid argument against joint child custody

Henry Lyczak posts this WSJ comment:
The problem with straight 50/50 is that many times, one parent may actually have been abusive. This may not have been documented, proven physical abuse of a child, rather, intimidating, controlling behavior, either against the other spouse or child, which cannot be conclusively legally proven.
Applying 50/50 in all separations assumes an idealistic vision of the kid growing up with two loving extended families. This just ain't reality.
This comment illustrates the foolishness that makes child custody so contentious and disastrous.

Yes, it is possible that one parent is a lousy parent (or lousy spouse) for reasons that cannot be proven in court. That also happens in intact families. So what do you want to do about it? Punish people based on unproven allegations? Why not just do that to everyone, not just divorcing couples?

It is like saying: Democracy assumes an idealistic vision of all voters having perfect knowledge and wisdom.

No, just the opposite. It assumes that voters have flaws, but that their flaws will be balanced by other voters. Likewise 50/50 is just what you want if you are unsure about the ability of the parents.

By not having 50/50 shared custody, you encourage bogus allegations. Then the court decides on a winner and a loser without anything being proved. Maybe, if you are lucky, the kid ends up with the better parent. If you are not so lucky, the kid gets stuck with the worse parent.

Or, more commonly, both parents have their strengths and weaknesses, and joint custody would let the kid enjoy the strengths of both, and at least a partial escape for the flaws of each.

Speaking of dumb argument, see your local newspaper advice column:
Dear Amy: I have been dating a guy for two years. He was in a seven-year relationship and has a 3-year-old daughter.

In the time we have been dating, he has seen his daughter only a handful of times. His ex has cut off all communication with him. Whenever I ask what he is going to do to see his daughter, he gets angry and doesn't want to talk about it.

I have tried messaging the ex myself, but she does not respond. According to him, there is "nothing he can do," and he will not go to court. ...

DEAR SAD: First, make sure you do not have a child with this guy. ...

Does he pay child support? ...

Ultimately, I hope you find a more family-friendly man to be with.
Men get blamed no matter what, even if his testicles are in a vice-grip.

Some men do get a fair shake in family court. But his rights are severely limited, and he has probably already been screwed or has good reason to believe he will get screwed. Usually this is a problem that cannot be fixed by messaging the ex.

White people are also to blame. Amy says that a non-white girl should dump her white boyfriend because of his family, but a white girl should be willing to date blacks. She says to ask black people for opinions on this subject, and you are racist if you do not agree with black men who want to date white girls. I suggest watching this Muhammad Ali video instead.

1 comment:

HeligKo said...

50/50 custody takes the money out of it for the lawyers, and most of our politicians are lawyers. I take the view that you chose to have kids with that person, so you are stuck raising kids with them, like it or not. Unless there is criminal activity that someone has been found guilty of and said activity affects the children, it shouldn't play a role in varying from a court ordered 50/50 stance.