Monday, December 19, 2005

Canceling the counselor

I just canceled our last appointment with the co-parenting counselor, after my ex-wife suggested that I do so. I was glad that she did, because it conflicted with my only chance to let the kids pick out a Christmas tree. The afternoon was freed up, and they picked a great tree. I cut it down and carried it back to the house. They decorated it the next day.

The judge never encouraged us or ordered us to continue the counseling. At one point he asked us whether we had any more appointments, and whether I was willing to go. I said "yes", of course, just as I had been willing to comply with his other court orders.

The judge's question was before his custody order. At the time that he asked, he seemed to be considering sending us out to see shrinks again in lieu of a custody order. Once he made the custody order, he said nothing more about shrinks, so my inference was that he considered and rejected sending us to more shrinks.

I never did figure out why the court sent us to the co-parenting counselor in the first place. The judge never said. At the last court appearance, the judge made some cryptic comments about seeing the shrinks was of no benefit except to test our willingness to comply with court orders.

There are other possible explanations for sending us to see the shrinks. Maybe it was just a stall, to postpone or avoid making any decisions. Or maybe it was an attempt to lock in an illegal temporary order.

Perhaps the judge thought that it was inequitable that I had to jump thru some hoops and my ex-wife had not, so he wanted to order her to do something. He also may have recognized that most or all of the evidence of psychological disorders and uncooperative parenting was against my ex-wife, and he wanted some outside opinions on her. He may have been frustrated by my refusal to carry on a character assassination against her, as she did to me.

Maybe the judge thought that the reports would contain some useful information. Maybe the judge just wanted to educate himself about what sort of reports get written in such a case.

It is also possible that the judge had some theory about how seeing the shrinks might advance the best interest of the kids. I think that this is unlikely. He never articulated any such theory, and I do not know what basis he might have for thinking that. I've never seen him consider the best interest of the kids in my case or any other case.

The co-parenting counselor wrote this letter for the judge:
[George AngryDad and Ms. AngryMom] have attended co-parent counseling according to the following dates, 3/10, 6/2, 6/16, 10/13, 11/3, 11/10, 12/1 and 12/8.

They have shown marked progress and I would recommend they continue co-parent counseling in hopes of achieving a more cooperative co-parent relationship to benefit their children.
One thing that bugged me about his letter was his recommendation at the end. The deal with him was that he was just supposed to report attendance and progress, and not to make any recommendations. I don't know why he would recommend counseling, except that he was hoping to make more money by getting the court to order us to see him more.

I do think that my ex-wife made some progress in the last couple of meetings with the counselor, but overall the shrinks were very detrimental to me and the kids. My ex-wife used them as an excuse for not dealing with me. And the kids suffered from being in a legal limbo.

I hope my ex-wife got something out of the shrinks. I cannot think of even one sentence of advice or opinion from them that was any personal value to me whatsoever. All I learned was how crooked and evil the whole system is, and that I can only save my kids by getting them out of the system.

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